ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH ANGER ISSUES
PROVERBS 15:1 NKJV
"A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger."
This is one of those verses that I wish I had started practicing years ago. It would have helped my marriage and parenting tremendously.
A soft answer does not mean a weak answer. It can mean gentle or refined. But a kind, gentle answer can help dial down anger in the one who is listening. On the other hand, a harsh word can stir up anger. Another word for harsh is painful or hurtful.
I imagine all of us have been in situations where painful, hurtful words were used, and they set off a bomb in the interaction. There have been moments where I knew if I responded in a harsh way, proverbially speaking, all hell would break loose. Then, in my ignorance, I just went ahead and said it anyway and had to deal with the consequences.
I believe that there are two applications of this verse. One is the effect of a gentle or harsh answer on the listener. The other application would be the effect a gentle or harsh answer has on us as the speaker. In other words, answering with a good spirit in a prudent way helps us keep our own anger in check. A harsh answer coming from us can stoke the anger inside us.
We hear so much about "letting the anger out," but we fail to recognize that responding in anger does not let it out of us. It lets anger in.
When I was in college, my parents confronted me regarding something I had done that violated their standards. I received the phone call in my apartment at college, but instead of firing back an answer or making excuses, I actually handled the situation with prudence and refinement. I realize that was totally out of character for me, but the effects were profound. Even though my parents were hurt, my apology and taking ownership of my error served to defuse their anger. The situation could have blown sky high, but my answer turned away my parents' wrath.
I only wish that brief moment of surprising wisdom had become the pattern for my life. But Joy can testify that what I did in that moment was a fleeting aberration. My typical response for too many years was harsh words, not soft answers.
But thank God for the ability to change. By God's grace and the Holy Spirit's promptings, I have been able to dial back on the harsh answers. I have not achieved perfection in this area, but growth and improvement have taken place. And the result has been far less arguments and strife in my family. And for a couple who used to consider one argument a day a good day, things have dramatically changed.
If you find yourself having "anger issues," instead of giving in to the feelings of anger, look to control your response. A gentle answer may not uncover the root of the anger, but it can help keep that anger contained.
PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, help me give gentle answers in every situation. Jesus never used harsh words. Instead, He spoke the truth in love. I want to follow His example.