Ancient Interpersonal Wisdom
Proverbs 18:2 & 13 NKJV
2 A fool has no delight in understanding,
But in expressing his own heart.
13 He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.
I realize the Bible is an ancient book. The challenge we have with ancient is that we think we have progressed past the wisdom that was applicable over 2500 years ago. And in a sense, we have progressed. But our progression has been in the forms of education, medicine, technology, and other sciences. The thing that has not changed is human nature. And the God who created us knows how we operate best. Here are two bits of wisdom that will help you with all your relationships.
The first is to seek to understand, not be understood. Verse two says the “fool has no delight in understanding but in expressing his own heart.” This is the person who is not interested in what someone else has to say. Their desire is to express themselves, to let others know what is going on with them. Now, there is nothing wrong with communicating what is in your heart, but that should not be the primary motivation. If you have ever spoken with someone and discerned that they were only acting interested in what you had to say, there is a big disconnect right there. To level up your interpersonal skills, be interested in the other person and understanding what is going on with them. You may have to retrain yourself to really listen and not be overly anxious about your turn to talk.
And speaking of listening, our next verse, when applied, can solve a multitude of relational problems. It ties in with understanding. The principle is to not answer before you have a clear understanding of what is happening. Answering before you hear creates all kinds of communication challenges. Our proverb says it’s a folly and shameto do this. This was one of the things that helped my marriage. When I stopped answering until I had a grasp of the situation. I still have to refresh myself on the wisdom of this verse, and of course, Joy is so helpful to remind me.
Yes, things have changed since Solomon was inspired to write these proverbs. But truth and godly wisdom are timeless and powerful.
Prayer
Lord help me to slow down enough to listen and not feel pushed to express myself. Help me to grasp the truth in a matter before responding.