A DIFFERENT PATH TO FAVOR
Proverbs 28:23 NKJV
23 He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward
Than he who flatters with the tongue.
The proverbs have some thoughts about flattery, and they are not positive. So many people are hungry for encouragement, and this makes them susceptible to the person who flatters. But we must keep in mind that the big issue with flattery is deception.
Someone who flatters is not doing it to build you up but rather for their own benefit. They are looking to gain something from you, whether that be acceptance or to get you to do something for them. Flattery is different from edification. The scriptures tell us in Ephesians 4:29 to not let anything toxic come out of our mouths. Instead, our words are to be good, to bring edification or build up. And these words that build up inject grace into the hearer’s life. Notice there is no agenda behind building others up. And that is the big difference. Flattery is false, but edification puts truth into someone’s life for their benefit.
Which brings us to our verse for today. The person who rebukes another will find more favor afterward than the person who flatters. The key to this verse is afterward. The flatterer may find initial favor, but when their true motives are uncovered, that favor goes away. When you discover that someone who has been buttering you up says the same thing to everyone, it’s not a good feeling. I worked with a person who was accomplished at flattery. And I was surprised at the favor that it brought their way initially. This person would throw a lot of flowery words around, and it made people feel special. Until they heard those same words being given to everyone else.
If it sounds as if I have a problem with flattery, you would be correct. I don’t like hype, and when I hear people being pumped up and flattered, it frankly makes me cringe. I have seen too much of it in the business sector and, unfortunately, in the church world too.
So is the answer to go around rebuking people? A rebuke is expressing disapproval and is connected to correction. We see that Jesus rebuked His disciples. Paul rebuked Peter when Peter’s actions were causing a problem in the church. A rebuke is to set someone on the right course. Flattery sets someone up for disappointment.
Allow me to add some clarity to rebuking. A rebuke needs to be done in the right spirit. Not trying to hurt but trying to help. Older people should not feel as if they have free reign to rebuke younger ones. And the younger should be very cautious and slow to rebuke someone older. I had a group of young people come down to the front and rebuke me over something I said in the message. That was a mistake on their part. But I have also had people rebuke me for where I was off course, and I came back and thanked them afterward. Rebukes can sting, but if done in a godly manner and with godly wisdom, they can be a huge help. And people who help find favor.
So, what’s our conclusion? Beware those who flatter and don’t flatter others. Only rebuke someone if you are in a position of authority or in a position to help. And be open to godly correction in your own life. It will not sound as good as flattery, but it is much more helpful in the end.